Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A little bragging...

Today I met with my family to eat out at a joint here in Utah to visit with family from out of state. I giggled pretty good when, after knowing this person since I was 16, I could tell that my very first boyfriend was in the restaurant by the back of his head.

And all I could think was, "Thank God I didn't stick that one out."

I then started to think of he and the four other long term boyfriends I have had and all I could think was "Wowzers I've found myself some doozies."

First one was something of an Eeyore. Woe is me, my life is so bad, feel bad for me, blah blah blah. Then, after he told all of my guy friends he had cheated on me, he then had the nerve to try to get my sister to do "things" with him. You know... "THINGS". As long as I dated him, he was a man-child. Using the charity of others to keep him fed, clothed, housed, and a vehicle handy. He needed a mother to take care of him and I had no desire to be that person.

Lesson learned: I'm still wondering this... I am not sure I got anything out of this one.

Second one, I considered marrying, got engaged, wedding date came and went, no planning came about. I figured that it really wasn't "meant to be" and tried to call the whole thing off. I was his first real girlfriend and while I was probably good for him in terms of teaching him some social skills and he taught me some great lessons, we obviously weren't suited for each other. I was never skinny enough, never blonde enough, boobs never big enough, and so on. And he was right. I never was enough for him. Which is ok. I was perfect for me. He ended up finding the perfect girl for him though. She is exactly what I would have constructed for him.

Lesson learned: Credit is very important. How to balance my checkbook (not that I do, but I know how to). Your reputation is important it may be the first first impression someone gets of you. I don't need to be tan to be beautiful.

Third one, well, he was the biggest doozie of them all. I will start off with saying that the military in our country is great and people who can and do go fight for the country I live in to keep my freedom or whatever reason they are called to fight for are amazing people and not something I can do. That being said,  I can not date a man who has been in the military. They almost always pick up quirky behaviors that my hippie self doesn't mesh with. Then, I go and not only date an army guy, but infantry/sniper/ranger. What the heck was I thinking? Nevermind, don't answer that.  Anyway, he was the worst of them all. Very abusive mentally, emotionally, and started to move onto the physical portion when I worked my hardest to get away from the SOB. I won't go into too many details of the nightmare with him mostly because I don't want any sympathy over it. I learned very valuable lessons from this waste of skin and three years, way too much crap, one failed pregnancy, and a bloody nose later, I was able to break free from the manipulation.

Lesson learned: Beginning stages of how to keep a house clean. Jamaican Blue coffee is amazing. What it feels like to be an alcoholic. How much stress one can live with before it affects the body and what my personal breaking point is. Inner strength I didn't know I possessed.

I was able to do that with the help of my #4 long term boyfriend, but that's not really right... we were on again/off again for a long time. I think we were more off than on though. He is a great guy but just a little broken, like a lot of us are, but he won't just settle for things. So, we were great together as friends, we weren't so great together as bf/gf. He didn't want to date me but didn't want me to date other people. I loved his family so much that I continued to go back and try to deal with his "crazy" before I finally just couldn't deal anymore. After finally getting over that with #4, we are in a good place in the friend department. He certainly had his issues and downfalls but, due to what I allowed myself to put up with, I did to. He helped me work on getting rid of some of my crazy and I showed him that he could be himself and I'd still like him no matter what.

Lesson learned: Many different types of music I now love. How to be a better family member and friend. How to treat my job and those I work with. I learned patience and met her too (his sister's name is Patience). I mostly learned finally with this one... THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. I am who I am and if he doesn't want to be with me, that is his problem and I don't need anyone to be happy.

That final lesson is what I needed to learn to finally turn to Matt and say "Ok. Let's do this." He had always been on the outskirts and many times, I needed him, but was too afraid to call, find him, or ask for help. We finally were single at the same time and I had gotten over the initial reason why I wouldn't date him (long story, TJ laughed really hard when I told him... I may never reveal the true reason.)

So, now on to my bragging.

Granted, if we had started this dating/marriage/family thing sooner, things would most certainly be different. Just as good? Maybe. But definitely different since we would have had different life lessons up to that point. But... I sure wish I had the choice to go back and start "us" sooner.

Not only is Matt the best husband (ya, he has his moments just as everyone does) but he is such a great best friend. He doesn't allow me to shut down my communication. He makes me talk to him. He is gentle in his approach and I am learning to talk about things I don't talk about easily.

He is an amazing dad and I couldn't ask for anyone better with the kids. He obviously loves them and the look on his face when he met Bea for the first time...well, I fell in love with her from his look. The pure adoration was amazing.

He still kind of likes me and still thinks I'm pretty good lookin' which is a plus after seeing babies being born. All I can think is Ew gross, disgusting, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!!

And what makes me love him even more, if that is even possible, is that he is the spitting image of Linus. I have a challenge dealing with Linus. He and I don't speak the same language. We have our great days and our BAD days. I look at him every day and see Matt. It is something of a reminder that Linus is probably destined to be a shit sometimes. And it's ok. Matt turned out freaking awesome. If I can keep my head and keep smiling and continue practicing patience, Linus will turn out amazing as well.

So, I'm pretty lucky. One out of 5 isn't very good odds, but isn't the reward even greater when the odds are bad? I can't believe that he's still around and takes care of me and loves me. I can't believe that he still likes me even knowing what kind of crazy he's gotten himself into.

Anyway, what started this? That my Grandpa's sister, "Nanny", happened to mention that she thought that I chose very well and that she had spoken to others and they felt the same way. I got myself quite a Sweetie. So, I just wanted to brag a little about that. :D

Not that you can tell from the quality of this one, but this is Matt 
Compare with Linus... creepy huh?

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