Thursday, November 11, 2010

Bliss

This is one of my favorites so... introducing two of my favorite people.
One of my favorite people has finally found his very favorite person. Finally. And I couldn't be happier. So, I asked his VERY favorite person if I could write a little bit about them and she said yes. Thanks Miss T! (Although I didn't ask if I could use the photos or write a little TO you two, I am going to take the liberties.)

Once upon a time I met a gentleman who was very nice and kind to me. I met his family and for the most part, they took me under their wing and let me be part of their family for a while. It was great. We became great friends and although there is the awful label he and I share, the dreaded ex's-, things are sometimes weird for others regarding our friendship. He isn't the weird ex-boyfriend who hangs around hoping and pining for times past. I'm not the weird ex-girlfriend who still hopes to manage a small flame for the "in case". Or whatever it is that makes our friendship so weird to others.

I moved on one day and met my Bliss. His name is Matthew and we have been lawfully together 3 years this October.

My gentleman friend has been biding his time, finally found a very beautiful young lady, and is ready to name her his Bliss. They are soon to be lawfully together at the beginning of December of this year.

I have never seen him so happy and healthy.



I don't know her from previously, but she seem equally happy.


They make me smile.



So, in light of what many consider to be a miracle in the making... Congratulations!

Engagement party


A toast to the happy couple



Her ring. Beautiful opal, good choice Mr. H
I know that advice is given way too much and usually it's just bad, but I kind of wanted to throw out what I know to be good stuff for me.

There will come a time when the honeymoon phase is over... and it sucks. Cause you can easily get caught up in a rut. I didn't really get a chance for that to happen so much with my marriage cause we had kids immediately and that in itself puts you in a rut. Take time for yourselves. Not as in you two together, but as individuals. You both already seem really pretty good at that. Miss T has her friends, Mr. H has his friends, and then you all hang out together.

Talk to each other as much as you can. Mr. H, I know you are laughing a little about that statement as we both know I am not much of a talker when it comes to my feelings or things that are going on. My Bliss makes me talk to him. Especially when I don't want to. That's when I need to the most. So talk to each other.

Therapy isn't shameful. I think every couple should go to therapy. There isn't such a thing as a kid's handbook and there isn't such a thing as a marriage handbook. No one really knows what they are getting themselves into. No one realized the work that goes into it... mostly the learning how to give and take and compromise. Who does what chore when and the divvying of duties. Making a family with someone who previously wasn't is hard. Their ideas and values are different and learning to mesh them together is a challenge. I didn't go to couple therapy, but therapy on my own at the beginning really helped keep me level headed.

When you feel angry, bored, or any other negative emotion toward your partner, sit down and really, truly think about the beginning. How you felt at the beginning. Why you felt that way. Dress up. Pretend it's the beginning again. It really helps remind me of the spark.

And always remember, there is an ebb and flow of EVERYTHING!!! There are good times, there are bad times, there are easy times, there are hard times. Hold on, keep your arms and legs in the car, and enjoy the ride. And now, this story, above all stories I have read... and I read A LOT... touched me to the core and really let something sink in. Please read it, read the moral, and keep this story at the forefront through your lives.


A Story from a man

Sunday, July 25, 2010 at 9:04pm

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

Moral: The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! 


So, Miss T, I'm glad you are going to be George's dog mom. I am so glad that you gave the wiener another chance... yeah, I called you a wiener Harold and there isn't much you can do about it cause you really can be. :) Tristian, you seem to be a strong woman who won't put up with his shenanigans. Harold, you are such a sweet heart. Don't ever stop sending her flowers and being so cute to her. 


I love you both and hope you have as good a time on this ride as I've been having!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am also very happy for these two. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Harold. May you have more joy than sorrow, more pleasure than pain, more money than debt and just enough fighting to keep the making up delightful.

Manda's mom

Desiree said...

Okay, time to fess up:
I am a blog stalker. I found you through Harold's Facebook page when you commented on something of his. You fascinate me. Your friendship with Harold fascinates me. HIS friendship with EVERYONE regardless of the past he shares with them fascinates me. I love this post. I LOVE the story of the man who's wife died. I am forwarding it to my husband... if that's okay? I love that you dedicated a post to the cute couple! I couldn't be more thrilled for Harold and Tristan. I really am surprised with myself at how genuinely excited I am for them. I always thought it would be weird when he finally found someone. But it's not. It just makes me smile. And this post made me smile. Keep blogging because your blog is great. It's honest and I so love honest blogs!!