Monday, August 17, 2009

Cause I'm the mom.

I love being a parent. I never thought I'd like it, let alone love it. But I am finding that I enjoy it more and more every day. I am not sure that I like being the mom as much... =)

At first, I hated being the mom. I hated that regardless of there being two parents, I felt I was the one that sacrificed myself the most. I sacrificed my body for 9 months, my boobs as long as I could breastfeed, and my time and interests. At the time I felt that dad got to go to work, come home and cuddle him, and then go off and do whatever it was that he wanted to do. I understand now, that in my poor postpartum status, I didn't really see the sacrifices that dad made too. It wasn't that he didn't want to hang out and take Linus for me and give me breaks away, he really was so busy getting our house livable and trying to make a living to keep our roof over our heads that he didn't get to see the baby as often as he wanted to. I am sure that it didn't help that we were all up at all hours of the night, me taking care of baby and Matt taking care of me.

I did feel a resentful, and still do just a little, that he is able to go out more than I am. I am learning to accept a few things about that situation. Not only does he have more friends than I do, he has more single friends. That first and foremost is why he goes out more. His friends are great and do invite me instead of him, but I feel I have my hot baths and my books to escape, he has his friends, so he kind of deserves to go instead of me. He works SO HARD not only at work to keep us in food and a roof over our heads, but he works dang hard at home to repair everything and keep it livable. He has done so much to the electrical, the basement, the yard, the cars, etc. And if it isn't one thing it's another. I think I feel just a little resentful because being pregnant means your body isn't yours for 9 months. It is all about the baby. It takes over, weight gain, I feel like I have a planet getting ready to mitosis out of my body and start orbiting. It moves on it's own accord and doesn't move with me when I walk. I have to eat healthy, I have to avoid certain things like sushi and deli meats, I can't partake of a beer if I feel I want one after a really hard day or just when ever, I can't do anything without thinking of my baby first. Matt gets to do whatever he wants to relax and unwind. If he wants to have a beer, well, he can. Or two or three or a dozen. It doesn't matter. It's hard having people over at all hours because I can't stay awake. He can have friends over and chill till the wee hours. It's just hard knowing that I don't get an outlet for relaxation and the only one I really want right now, I can't afford (prenatal massages are expensive.)

So, this past weekend, Matt talked to me about going to see a movie we have both been wanting to see. He took it upon himself to find a babysitter, which is usually my job, and found it to be a daunting task. Needless to say, I didn't get to see the movie this weekend. Matt on the other hand liked it. I tried really hard not to feel bad about it and only for maybe a half hour did I feel bad. I got over it pretty quick and reminded myself all of the things I am grateful for regarding Matt and that he deserves some time off with the boys without wifey-poo right there. We used to be friends and hang out, now we are married and are together all of the time. It's good to have a break.

So, cause I'm the mom, I stay at home with Linus, I take him with me everywhere I go, and I'm starting to get used to it, be ok with it, and even like it. It's a good thing, Little B will be here shortly.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Hey all, I have a friend who makes super cute baby gifts. She is hosting a giveaway and I'd love it if one of my friends won. (We all know someone having a baby. The gift could be used by everyone.) Anyway, here is the link to her site.

Check it out. She gave me a diaper cake for Linus's baby shower and it came with a bear which he still loves and loves to cuddle with. And I so loved having all of those diapers.

Friday, August 7, 2009


Ok, so being married is really strange some days. Today I am going to chalk it up to having been up since 4am, no nap, running around, and being pregnant exhausted.

Not too long ago, my husband, being funny, told me to "scoot over fatty". I acted offended, we laughed, and it's funny. It was met with a better reaction than last pregnancy when he offered up that my rear was getting a little large.

So, tonight, I was told "you are so weird looking..." am I supposed to respond to that one? LOL. He middled that statement with "cause you are so skinny..."

Um... really? Who gets told they are weird looking cause they are skinny unless they are weird anorexic? He finished off the statement with "and you have this belly just sticking out there."

Oh. So let me explain this a little bit. I am the amazing, shrinking, pregnant woman. I am the pregnant lady most women hate. I don't swell, I don't get fat, I don't get stretch marks (yet), I keep my waistline, and slowly grow a little baby. I don't feel this is something to brag about. I feel weird and different. My rings don't fit. I don't fit into my regular pants, but I don't really fit into maternity pants. My mom tells me I look like I have a pillow stuffed up my shirt. I feel terribly cramped pretty much from week 20 on since there is no "belly" for the baby to fit into. This pregnancy, I feel as though Little B has sucked the life right out of me. Literally. I know I'm not losing muscle, what with lugging a 20lbs. kid around, walking my dog in the Aves, going up and down stairs, and doing yoga. So, gaining only 10 pounds is weird to me. Let me assure you ladies out there... I will gain all of my weight once the baby is born. I gained all my weight after Linus was born, I am pretty sure I will gain all of my weight once Little B is born. I don't enjoy the almost constant migraine status that has happened in the last 2 weeks nor the morning sickness like vomiting that happens in the 3rd trimester. But, I do need to throw out there that I have enjoyed this one so much more than Linus. It's a lot more special now that I know what is growing and the joy and love I will have for this baby. Linus has been amazing.

After being told I am weird looking, I was mentioning that my niece is a nag. She has managed to inherit all of the irritating girl traits. She nags, is concerned about her hair and makeup, does the princess above and beyond, she gossips, she is loud, and through all of this I think she's a doll but not sure I could deal with it as well as Bethany does. So, Matt tells me that this means she is probably going to be really cute when she gets older...

Does that mean that I am not cute? Or does that mean that I am annoying? This poor guy and having to deal with my sensitive ego right now. He responded with a "I cannot answer that at this time."

Lucky for the both of us, I am almost done and can be sensitive once a month again instead of crying watching dances on "so you think you can dance" and videos my mom sends me via email.

Let's see what else my, oh so very male, husband comes up with. It's always good for a laugh in retrospect. Like the day he told me he didn't understand pets... He doesn't get that much out of his human relationships. I took it WAY different than he meant it and I cried and got mad and he pretty much just stared at me until he could explain that he meant he needs a reciprocative relationship and pets just don't do that. =)

Ah, Mars and Venus huh?