I want to write it.
I don't want to write it.
I want to get it off my chest.
I don't want people to know that I feel this way.
I don't think people reading this will understand.
*deep breath* here goes...
I have, since becoming a parent, become enormously offended by the acts of a certain mother. I can't even fathom where this mother's head is. In fact, I am pretty sure that she is not, in fact, in any right mind. Not that she is particularly crazy, but just not in her right mind.
I have not read many of the news documents but I find it an abomination what she has done or allowed to be done to her son.
I will not be posting her name. She does not have a name any longer, just a number that will be assigned to her in prison. I am afraid that she and her husband are crazy enough to think it's great that their names are in the news, in the paper, all over the internet. I refuse to play into the possibility that they have a desire to be famous and now they've accomplished this. To me, you hurt a child, you are no longer a human being. It is ingrained to protect your young.
This poor little boy has suffered at the hands of monsters.
I believe in God. I believe in heaven. I believe he is there.
I am disgusted at what this poor little boy suffered, but at the same time, he didn't have to suffer for years like others have. He is gone now. He is in paradise. I can't be sad he is dead. I am not very sad when most people die. It's hard for me to be sad for someone I don't know. Especially when I don't know what's in store for them for the afterlife. I think it's usually a good thing. It's either probably better there than here or better for those here to have that person gone... does that even make sense? I can't grieve for people I don't know. I can grieve WITH people I see grieving though. I can feel a loss when a tragedy happens. I can even feel anger. But I don't often feel sad unless it is someone I know. Then, I am usually grieving for MY loss. Not theirs.
I cried. Hard. When my Granny died. I still feel an empty place at times. Especially when I eat a BLT, Malt-o-Meal, or Cup O'Noodle Soup. I smile when I see Mary Kay makeup. I dream of her. She gives me good advice at night. She told me she really liked Matt and that he was a good choice. She approved. But I didn't cry for her. I didn't cry for her death. I was joyous. I was so happy for her. I celebrated her life. I was sad for me and my family.
What I am torn about right now, is that there are children who are suffering right now. Who are tortured. Who are raped. Who are beaten. Who are starved. The list goes on and, unfortunately, on. I feel sad that more isn't being done for them. This particular case has sparked a lot of interest, a lot of fund raisers, a lot in the news, walks, etc. And maybe it's because it is so much more in my face due to the internet. But, I feel sad for those who don't get this. I feel sad for those families who have to bear the brunt of the bills incurred during death by themselves.
I guess what I wish is that if the suffering of children can not be stopped, I wish there was a group who did walks and charities that families could go to. Maybe not even for just families who have monsters that get their children, but for those who suffer loss from sickness or even the irrational SIDS death. (I say irrational because no one really knows what causes it and it's got to be heart wrenching to just have a child die.) That it not just be for one child. I don't know if there is one. If there is, I would like to try to get the word out. I can not even begin to imagine the loss of a child. But to lose your child in some manner and then watch as another family is able to "profit" from the death of their child would be adding insult to injury.
When I say "profit" I don't mean it in that sense, I can not think of another term.
Anyway, Saturday, I am going to a benefit to help raise money for the expenses that travel and death can accrue. I am going to give money and try to offer help. Here is the info if anyone is interested in helping. One day, if I become more organized, maybe I can start a charity for families. Until then...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
10:00am - 2:00pm
4331 West 8970 South West Jordan, Ut