My side

Before Matt and I started to date, I made a few visits to his condo. He had done a lot of work on the parts that everyone sees, but his bedroom was very stark. There was a small, twin mattress on the floor. Not too long after we started dating, I made the announcement that I hated the mattress and would not be staying over. Make whatever conjecture you'd like about that statement, you are probably right, but for the sake of my children reading this in the future... well, no details.  I just figure that a man has every right to try to stake claims on a woman he has been in love with since he was 15 years old. This isn't what we were taught by our parents, it isn't what we were taught by our church, it isn't what we were taught period, but who am I to say what is ok in the eyes of our Lord, Jesus Christ in the year of 2007 what may have been preordained in the eyes of our Lord, Jesus Christ in the year 1978 and 1979 when we were both born. Soul Mates? Lame humans who make up their own rules? Who knows? No lectures please, we were almost 30 years old for pete's sake... I digress...


Pretty soon, my future husband bought a beautiful sleigh bed and a brand new, queen sized, oh so comfortable mattress. I would like to say that was the adult version of "will you go steady with me." I chose the right side and we got married soon after. 


I stayed on the right side until I got pregnant with Linus and switched to the left side of the bed. That would be the left and right side as you are laying down. I was so sick with Linus that I switched so I could be right under the window, I could learn to lay on my left side and not have to re-breathe air. Weird right? Those of you who have been pregnant... you know what I'm talking about. It may have been 20 degrees outside, but that was 20 degrees too warm and heaven forbid you add some carbon dioxide to the mix of the father of your baby. Then add the 15 pillows to support my ever growing, ever uncomfortable body. It soon became "my bed" and I'll let you lay on a corner. If you are lucky. Don't breathe on me.

We moved into our new apartment, we moved into our new house, we moved the bed to a different spot in the new house and I don't know what forces compel me to sleep on one side of the bed or the other, but it changes in regards to where the bed is placed. Maybe it's a long lost, passed from generation to generation, best possible direction to promote healthy baby growth if your body is facing due north-northeast kind of thing. I do know that the comfort of my 15 pillows didn't get a chance to go by the wayside before I got pregnant with Beatrice.

Quick, I know. I find the lack of sleep to be a type of "baby hell" and wanted to be finished as soon as possible. Even though I enjoy and love my babies more and more every day. It doesn't make me less of a hag when I get too little sleep. I just am learning how to keep the hag under wraps in front of the kids better and better... again... I digress.

So, in order for my husband, the love of my life, to get to share a bed with me, the ever growing, ever uncomfortable, ever increasing hag. He did the next best thing to getting a vasectomy (just kidding. kind of). He went and got a king sized bed. And he lugged the dang thing upstairs. And he bought a memory foam topper for it. I kind of think he likes me.

I have since then had my baby. She slept with us for a bit and is now on her own. Linus sleeps in his own bed and I have a freaking King size mattress to myself most days. Or a sofa. We've gotten to that place in our married, child filled, sleep deprived life that one of us inevitable either falls asleep on the couch, or ends up moving to the couch to put Bea in her swing at 4am so one of us can continue sleeping.

No, I don't usually let my baby sleep in a swing, but 2-4 times a week, 4am is her wakeup time and that's just too flipping early for me, so too the swing she goes to coo and giggle and entertain herself until 7am when Linus gets up.

It just makes me laugh that even now, with our king sized bed that would fit both of us, both kids, and all 3 dogs, it is usually just one of us sleeping in this behemoth. I take my little space or he takes his little space (except for the days he spreads from corner to corner to be funny) and leave the rest open. It's mostly because I have been pregnant and married longer than not pregnant and married. I still catch myself waking up and thinking...

DON'T BREATHE ON ME!!!

That goes away right?

District 9

I will admit right off the bat that I am a complete alien, fantasy, comic book movie geek...er...lover. I love them. I love Star Wars. All 6 of them. Even the ones with Jarjar Binks. I love Superman. I love Christopher Reeve as Superman. At one point as a child I wanted to marry him and have little dark haired babies. I still have my R2D2 and C3PO under-roos tops from my preschool days along with my Princess Leia hairdo for preschool graduation. I love the movie "Predator". All of them. The whole idea that an alien comes to earth as a sport and only hunts the humans who are armed was a great idea to me. Plus Arnold Schwarzenegger is in one of them. I just watched Watchmen and Monsters vs Aliens and loved them. I also finally got to see District 9. Netflix Rocks!!


So. This is my post about District 9, Avatar, and a little of what I thought of them and how I felt about them. I am sure this is not the popular idea or even how it is. My interpretation of things. That's my disclaimer. I wanted to see District 9 when it came out, but it's hard to find girlfriends to go with. They usually want to see things like... oh, I don't know... not what I want to see. And nothing against my husbands friends who are also my friends, but it's weird to go out with them and not the hubs. Also, I just get to tired at night when I am up 2-4 times nightly and getting up for the day at 7am. Call me a wuss if you want, but that's how it is. I need my sleep. So, since I don't like to ask for help babysitting so Matt and I can go to the movies together, he goes and sees the cool ones with his friends and then we both watch them when they come out on DVD.

District 9... well, it was great. For how much they spent on it, the special effects and graphics were amazing. I liked the message behind it, much like there being a message behind Avatar. Matt and I got to see that one together thanks to the Grands. The message behind Avatar was very similar to every Native American/white man movie. And quite frankly, I wish there were more people that were willing to accept the ways of the native people in lands they invade. Maybe we should be more understanding of the Middle East and their ways. They aren't the United States and it's great that we are trying to help the people of those countries, but maybe we should be a little more understanding of their culture and their beliefs. Wouldn't that go a lot further than, "here, we are here to help. do things our way or die. you are either with us or against us". District 9 was more along the lines of Shindler's List and other Nazi/World War II type movies.

I think I really liked District 9 so much more because I have much more of an interest in World War II. I can't wrap my head around how a crazy, fanatical man started the idea and led a movement that ended up killing millions of people.  Granted, many good things came out of the testing and what not, but that doesn't in any way, shape, or form make me think that it is justified or ok. I would rather not have any of the medical, technical, or mechanical advances. If Hitler never happened, we would never know what we were missing. The whole Avatar/ Pocahontas story similarities don't hold as much of an interest because I think that the "whiteman" were in the wrong totally, but unfortunately it is human nature to want to control and rule and conquer. The part of District  9 that was just so sad to me is that it took 20 years for the aliens to produce enough power to go back to the ship to leave. The Earthlings did not want them there, but as soon as the "prawns" tried to leave, the government tried to shoot them down. Don't stay but you can't go. The

I was so surprised and saddened at both movies to see how awful but true our human nature is.

"That is not our way so we are going to change it or kill you trying to change it."
"You are different and therefore bad, evil, and unwanted."
"We don't want you here, but if you try to leave, we'll kill you."
"You are different and so are not intelligent and can't feel."

So so sad to me that there are so many now and in the past in a position of power who have felt and acted that way. And yet, we keep on trucking and we keep on killing and we keep on trying to better the next generation regardless. Again, these are my random rantings, feelings, whatever. It isn't meant to be an anti-American post. It isn't meant to be an anti-military post. It isn't meant to be a hateful post. It's just how I feel about the movies, the parallel to real life, and how my idealistic mind perceives it.

Holidays Part 2

As a kid growing up, there were four things I could always count on.  Christmas and Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's house and Christmas and Thanksgiving at Granny's house. On one hand I thought it was a little redundant but on the other hand, I loved it and looked forward to it. Redundant? You might ask, well as Granny and Mac were always invited to the Grand's house, and my mom's sister married my dad's brother, that left only one set of cousins that weren't at both. But, it also gave us more time to see and spend time with the set of cousins that lived in Salt Lake City whom we didn't see very often and always enjoyed spending time with.

This last holiday season, we tried to do the same thing. We invited Mac, Aunt Lynne, her kids who lived in town or were visiting, their kids, my mom and dad, and all of us siblings and our kids. Mac unfortunately couldn't make it, but being a pastor in Hyrum, he probably still had a very nice holiday. TJ was in town, so that was great. He stayed at my house a bit during his visit, so we brought him, Tyne's family made it, we had the shindig at Bethany's house, Mom and Dad were there, Aunt Lynne, Mackenzie, Madison and her kids, Chris and Jonelle and their kids.  We did a soup and dessert pot luck. It was delicious and so good and so easy. I'm so glad we were able to get together. We missed you Holsteins, Tishers, and Skylar!!

These first few are of the "kids" table. I just tried to get a few to get all of them in. I love the "cheese" faces they kept giving me. So Cute!!

This pic of Tytan was funny. I called his name and he looked up with that face. That's the only way I can get a decent picture of him. Otherwise he just makes dumb faces or hides.

Mik insisted I take her picture then she wouldn't even smile for it. She makes this spooky creep face on purpose because we laugh at it. I love this little girl. She's got quirks with a capital Q.

Little William "don't call him Liam" Hunter Rollins. He was a perfect mini-Tory for the longest time and now he's starting to really resemble Bethany. Either way, he is the cutest, smiliest, chunk of a baby I've ever seen.

These are the 3 brothers. Tory to be Bethany's husband, my Matthew, and my BIG little brother. I am glad Tory got TJ to laugh instead of the weird creepy face he always makes... huh... kinda like Mikayla. 

Chase. Tyne's youngest who is a month older than Linus.. He is so stinking cute!!! At the bottom I'll post a video you have to watch. He is just a little doll.

Hahaha another "Hey Tytan" and he looked up picture. He's too cute to wast on silly faces. 

Lily Edwards. Chris and Jonelle's little girl. She is a beauty. I see Lynne and Jonelle in her little face. I just love seeing the mixture of family member in their little kids. Oh, and Linus's face. He's sucking on a baby monitor.

Fancy Lady Mackenzie visiting us from Pasadena. Talking to her, I always think that she and Bethany were actually twin spirits and were separated into two babies. They have always been two peas in a pod and they are both so similar. I think I need her to take me shopping. She's got a great sense of style whereas I do not.

Ah, the joys of parenting. Bella insisted on dressing up and so she wore her skirt. Her mom and Gramma had to play dressup along with her. Madison was gracious enough to pose for me in her princess garb.

Tyler in his Broncos jersey and jammy pants. This is a kid after my own heart. He wears them all of the time.

Gavin. He may be my favorite kid ever. I don't know why, he just is. And right by his face is TJ's face pubes.

My hubs won't smile for the camera. This may be the funniest face I've gotten yet. I just wanted to world to see.

My pops sitting and chillin in his chair.  I think he fell asleep.

For some reason, Linus has started to put things in his ear. He was using the mermaid's hand to itch his ear. But on a different note, he does enjoy the dolls. Sorry, Matt, but he does.

Like I mentioned, Tytan doesn't like getting his picture taken and always does something strange. I just couldn't help myself but to take his picture with a Bumbo on his head.

Chris and his wife Jonelle. I love them. They are funny and cute and their kids are adorable. 

Another Matt "face".

I took a picture of Jackson just because I think he is adorable and I love the faces he makes. They remind me of some of my kids pictures minus the ugly hair and freckles.

I think that Tytan and Tyler may be Linus's  favorite people on my side of the family. He loves to play and rough house with them. They can get him to belly laugh every time.

Cute picture of my mom and Bethany.

HAHAHAHAHA! Mikayla was picking on TJ and so I got a picture of it and it just makes me giggle. I will put this with the rest of the funnyface category.

The beautiful Lily. I am sorry she has red-eye. I have a kind of crappy point and shoot camera.

Look at the gorgeous curls!! 

Mikayla- Like mother like daughter. Or Aunt.

I think this is the only picture I got of Lynne.

The two peas.

Bella was putting these on her ears and wearing them like earrings. I tried to get the picture before they fell off, but failed. I did get the one though.

And this is what Bea did the whole time...

Nightmares coming to life

This is a story that I found while we were cleaning out one of the storage bays last Saturday the 16th. Bethany wrote this in 1996. I am writing it down verbatim using her grammar and spelling.

"  "Sugar plum," I could here my dad saying to me in the background. "What," I said back, "come back here and help me get some stuff out." "Why?""So I can get it ready for Clay, for when he comes out." "Oh!" So I went back and helped my dad get some stuff out so he could sell it to his costomer, Clay. When we were finished getting the stuff out, we went into the pet shop and waited and waited and waited and then finally he could come out and look at our stuff. Well we finally got done and went to get gas because we were almost out and hot some lunch, pops, and chips. We were getting ready to leave St.Goerge so I got my blanket and pillow out just incase I wanted to go to sleep on the way to the next city. Well I ended up going to sleep and I woke up at the next stop. After the next stop we went on driving and we saw three forest fires right in a row. Well we went and got a hotel room then got dinner and after dinner we went back to the hotel room. When I woke up in the morning I didn't feel good at all so I slept, after awhile, we went to Mcdonalds and my dad bought two orange juices and two sausages and biscuites. I drank some of my orange juice, but I didn't eat any of my sausage and buscuite. I went back to sleep. I slept the whole way home and when I got home I was laying on my family couch and my brother and sisters were being too loud and I asked them to please be quiet and my oldest sister Amanda told me that I would sleep better if I was up in her bedroom, so I went up there and fell asleep, after seeming like hours My second to oldest sister Tyne came up and she said that they were going to have Mexican Food and if I wanted to come. I said "no" and I wanted to say I want mom to stay with me but I just couldn't say anything. After what seemed like years I got up and went to lay on my couch crying for my mom and then the lights started flickering, but I didn't think anything of it because our AC always makes it do that when it was on so I was looking up at the lights and I saw smoke so I got up thinking that something was burning in the kitchen but when I got to the kitchen it wasn't there so I followed it from there...Oh my gosh flames were jumping out of my mother and fathers bedroom door I ran back in to the living room and dialed 9-1-1 and the dispatcher said "9-1-1 emergency what can I help you with!" I said, "My house is on fire." She said "Is this Thomas Edwards house" I said "Yes" she said "What is your name" I said "Bethany Edwards." She said "How old are you." I said "eleven" she said "get out as fast as you can and then when the police come show them were the fire is okay" and then I said "okay." By the time I was done talking, the smoke was so thick I had to drop to my knees and crawl out. I was walking fast out the door looking at my house burn. I was walking out in the snow without any shoes. Some people stopped and let me get in thier car until the police came and when the police came I didn't have to tell them were the fire was. The police man carried me over to his car and while I was in his car was one of the most scarriest moments that was about this fire because on the radio thing a man said "I don't think we'll ever be able to get this fire out." After about one minute the police man came and took me over to Mr. Bigler and Mr. Bigler took me to his house and him and Mrs. Bigler took good care of my family and me. I stayed at the Biglers house for a long time and most of all of my friends came and visited me. After that we went to my grandparents house and that is when I busted my bubble and I took a pill and I threw up. while I was staying at my grandparents house I felt diffrent, I felt homeless, I felt like crying, I felt like a nothing. I enjoyed staying with my grandparents I got to know them a lot more and I learned a lot, too. Some nights I felt like crying but I always new that I could talk to God and he understood me and he listened to me. While my family and I were going throw this crises my friends and my family's friends and my other family relitives were really comforting, they would pray for us, they would give us sutff, if I told my friends that I was having a bad day, they would do or tell me something to cheer me up, if my mom or and dad were having a bad day their friends would cheer them up. When I went to my Granny's house she would always tell me something funny or do something to make me laugh and when I just couldn't stand it any more she let me come to her house and let me do something to get my mind off of what ever it was. While I was staying at my grandparents house I felt kind of scrunched because nine people were living in this house, four inclueding me in my bedroom two in a diffrent bedroom, then my grandpa and grandma in their bedroom, and T.J. my brother in his own bedroom. We stayed at my grandparents house for a long time, for four months. While we were at my grandparents house these were the people that had their birthday, T.J., grandma, Kevin, Amanda, Tyne, and my mom. The only three people that didn't was my dad, me, and Grandpa. We worked at our house and a lot of others did too including, neibors, church family, and people I didn't even know. You know how I said that Kevin's birthday was with my familys well he really isn't part of my family he is my sister Amanda's boyfriend. We stayed at grandma's and grandpa's for Febuary, March, April, and the first part of May. We are know in a parsonige at 652 S. 300 E. When my mom told me that we were moving in I was exited not because we were leaving my grandparents house but because we would actually be in a house that we could call ours and not grandparents but ours and ours alone, and we could have friends over without worrying that they'll brake something extremely expensive, because we don't have much of those at our house, but grandpa and grandma does. I was exited also because we don't have to drive up and down the canyon every morning every night and every other time. At the parsonige ther is a living room, a kitchen, two bedrooms upstairs, two bedrooms downstairs, two bathrooms, one upstairs one down, and a family room downstairs, and a loundry room downstairs. Today is May the eleventh and we are just know starting to rebuild because we just barely got our loan. The reason it took so long to get our loan is because we didn't have fire insurance and they couldn't give us a loan untill we had insurance and we couldn't get insurance because the fire already happened. So they finally gave us insurance for some odd reason and so then we could get our loan and we jumped on it. We need to first get someone to start on our house so we can hurry and started and hurry and get finished so we can get moved back to our old house and stay there. At the parsonige I share a room with my sister tyne then across the hall is Amanda and a bathroom. Kevin sleeps upstairs on a fold out bed or down stairs on the built in couch my brother T.J. sleeps upstairs across the hall from my mom and dad and the bathroom is inbetween them. the kitchen is on the west part of the house and the living room is in the east part of the house. Life will go on and I hope that our house goes faster than it has been going. I try really hard to keep my grades up, but it is very hard because a lot of other things is on my mind and it is very hard to consontrate on one thing at one time. But I am a success so far, and I am keeping my grades up and doing good in school. I try to help were I am needed and help my mom and dad at home and wherever they need me, and I try to help everybody else as well. I think that helping people is very important because if you help people first then they will be more willing to help you! Another reason that I think helping people is important is because God tells you to help people. I am thankful for the  firefighters and all of the people that helped me at that time. I am thankful for the police officers and how they responded so quickly. During this situation I have learned that you can't just assume that stuff is never going to happen and that you always have to be ready for what might happen next. I think that God has a plan for us and that is why this fire happened, not for baddness, but to comlete his plan. I think that my family has delt with this crisis very well. I feel like God has been with my family through the whole way and not put us down once and if something bad has happed it happened for a purpose. I think know that we have our loan things will go a lot faster than they have been going and I hope so, too. My dad says that it will be a seven or eight month ordeal but I hope that it doesn't take that long because I want to get moved back to my old house before I go to the middle school so that I don't have to walk that far. I know that God has been helping my family and will continue on helping my family. I just thank God for, keeping me safe, not leaving me with nothing, for guiding me and for leading me, because I could not make it through this ordeal without him and without what he has done for me. This is really difficult for my farmily and me because we have changed our life style more than once and it isn't easy to change your lifestyle. I am thankful for my grandparents and my granny, my friends, my church family, and people that I don't even know. I am also thankful for the Lord, I am thankful."

So, that is how my littlest sister experienced and dealt with our little family disaster.

Ashes to ashes

They all fall down. On a Saturday night in January of 1996, the house that I grew up in, the house that my dad grew up in caught on fire. My family was homeless and although it is just "stuff", it's hard when you don't have your comfort items. Sunday morning, a ward from the closest LDS church building came out to help us haul everything out of the house to keep away vandals. Everything was boxed up and shipped to two storage bays. This last weekend, my family and I went through and started to clean out one of the storage bays. We went through all of the burnt, ruined, blackened, stinking things to try to find something worth keeping of a past life. Many of the things were my Grandparents' things that they had or brought back from Nigeria, Africa. Others were heirlooms from even further back than my Great Grandma. Others were things like my mother's wedding china and her good silver. Letters, diaries, notes, cards, books, clothes, toys, pictures; these things that are just that. Things. We got by without them for so many years, so why go back and keep anything. I know they were on our minds for all of those years. Many of these things were not forgotten. Zora, Puff, Garfield clocks, burgandy dress, various books, the Vibrason, pianos, bookcases, and many other things we looked for as the bay was slowly cleaned out. There were tears that we tried to hide, short words due to pain we were trying to hide, and so much laughter. It really was like opening a time capsule and going through it. We did throw away an enormous amount of "stuff" that was either too damaged to keep or really was just part of the "stuff" category. It still makes me tear up and even cry now, in my own house I am living in with a family of my own, to smell the few pieces of furniture that we are trying to salvage. The antique dresser with carved claw feet still smells like that retched, awful night. It brings back memories and feelings I haven't had in a long time. Even back then, I was more stoic about the whole situation, knowing that my parents were going through a very awful, difficult, and traumatic time. Even back then, in my selfish adolescence, that I did not nor would I ever want to be in their situation of trying to deal with the loss of many of their precious items, the loss of their home, trying to find a roof to put over their children's  heads, put food in the mouths of the family, and clothing on their backs. We literally had nothing but the clothes on our backs and had to rely on the kindness of strangers to help get us back on our feet. As a mother now, I cannot even imagine the stress that must be for a family. And to make things even harder for my parents, my mom was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis while we were living in a dinky little apartment. I am impressed that my parents were able to keep it together and keep us all together during that difficult time. Unfortunately, we still have half of a storage bay and another to go through. Hopefully, we will get this done and over with. Thanks Mom and Dad for being so great!!

Holidays Part 1

I didn't want to throw out a GIANT and looooooooooooong post, so I decided to break this up into 2 or maybe more posts.... depending on how much I remember and how much I type.

The holidays started off with the arrival of my brother TJ. My unruly bearded brother drove many, many miles in his minivan from Tennessee to Utah.

He and Matt had a great time working on one of our many projects that we have going on in the house. He helped Matt string wire from the wall in the kitchen to the ceiling above the bar to hang a lighted pot holder.

Matt had been wanting one forever and he found one at Home Depot or Lowe's for a very great price. So, he grabbed it and I am so glad he did. I didn't realize how much we needed the light.

TJ and Linus had a chance to bond a little bit. While I was busy with something one day, they sat and ate Fire Cheetos. If you look close you can see that Linus looks like he's wearing lipstick and suprisingly enough, he loved those things.

The one on the right is how Linus hugs. He hugs with his head and if you aren't lucky, he'll head-butt you right in the nose. It sure is cute though. I just like how I got them both tilting their head like that.



We were still in the process of tearing down the wall in the hallway to create a larger room to use as a family room. Matt was hoping to bust it out and get the thing finished and ready to occupy by New Year's Eve, but it didn't happen, but I did get some cute pics of Linus trying to be just like Daddy.

He would do his very best to use the hammer end to break up the wood into splinters and to pull the nails out. He would try to lift up the sledgehammer but that just wasn't going to happen. I'm glad he didn't drop it on himself. And speaking of the sledgehammer, Matt was knocking the wall down and managed to wedge a piece of something into his thumb. We couldn't see it, but could see the indentation that it caused. It was there for weeks and his thumb was killing him and started to ooze pus. I tried to talk him into going to the doctor to remove it but he wouldn't hear any of that. During the holidays, he worked it out and that sucker was not only the diameter of a toothpick, it was an inch long!! It even made me queasy when he started to pull it out and it kept coming and coming and coming and coming and well, you get the picture.

We actually decorated a little this year... As I wrote above, we were still working on the living room, so we didn't have enough room for a tree and I really didn't want to deal with a tiny one, so at my request, Matt put up some garland and lights. He even went so far as to buy a wreath with a Santa on it to put on the front door and he put up icicle lights and garland lights outside. AND he bought a poinsettia. How's that for getting into the freaking spirit huh? Next year though, we will have a tree and will only have ornaments on the top half because I won't want to fight with the two little ones with taking them off.

I wanted to end this post with a few pics of the babies and the puppies. Just because I like them.

Bea loves to look at Moxie and this giant dog is so gentle with her. She is so careful to not put her paws on her or her head. (She will lick, but what dog can resist the milk flavored baby?) And Bea sleeps like she is Superman flying. That is a standard pose for her. One arm up and one arm down... although the downside of that is that she loves to play with her hair and tends to pull it and get it tangled around her fingers.

Linus loves to play with Grandpa and Grandpa lets Linus play with his phone. It's a match made in heaven. I also really liked the picture of Linus on the right. I just think he's cute.

I had to post TJ's goofy face. That's how most of his pictures turn out for some reason LOL. This pic of Matt and Bea killed me!! Matt came home from work and took Bea for a minute and they both fell asleep like that. I just had to capture it.



Two more pictures of our Great Disaster.