memories....

To end this saga of our long drawn out week of funeral stuff, family get togethers, and eating, the memorial service was today.

I am going to say right now, this was the best one I have ever been to. Way to go family and their friends!

My cousin Mackenzie has been dancing for years and she performed a contemporary dance routine to a beautiful song. She is amazing. I have always loved to watch dance and especially good dancing. I think she conveyed her sadness better here than in any type of media available. I broke down and cried while she danced, it was touched my heart deeply. Thank you for sharing that!

Chris, your... is it eulogy?... it was great. It is very obvious you cared for your dad a lot. I think you conveyed the difficulty talking to him as well as his intelligence. I do remember listening to my dad and James talking and they were both very smart men. I know it was hard to get up and talk about him with the emotions you have, no one likes to cry in public, but you did a great job. And I would like to mention, you look just like Uncle Geoff.

The pastor of First Baptist Church in West Valley gave a great service. He talked about the elephant in the room (and no Uncle Tony, we don't need you to leave. Thanks for the laugh that gave my mom and I). He asked the question, "How do you eat an elephant?" The answer... one bite at a time. It takes one bite at a time to deal with, process, and move forward when someone you know commits suicide.

A man I don't know, but will assume he was some sort of person you go talk to once a week, he spoke. He spoke of getting to know James and some of his demons. He spoke of how he fought his demons the best way he could and sometimes they get the better of you.

I think I hate funerals for the sadness, but also for the "fake" great memories people have of the deceased. Not everyone is a great humanitarian that everyone loves and just because they are gone, I hate that everyone talks up how great that person was. I really appreciated the "realness" of what everyone said. James had physical limitations and was starting to have mental limitations. It had to be hard for him to know his mind and body were failing him. He was as bully. He was difficult and liked to dominate a conversation. I remember him as being very intimidating and he enjoying that. I never got to know him in his later years, I hadn't seen him in 12 or more years. He may have really cared for others and he may have had a genuine love for others. I don't know. It was nice to hear the good with the bad. It makes the good seem a little more realistic and believable. If everyone ignored his difficulties, I would have just figured that everyone was being nice to the deceased who probably cares less what is being said. I agree that he is in a better place with a whole body and a whole mind and that my Granny is smacking him upside the head, but when he meets his family in heaven, he will be there in perfect form. I really hope that he was as caring to his friends and family in his later years as they say.

Now, it is time to take some of the first bites to get rid of the elephant and start to move forward.