Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Time doesn't always heal all wounds

I have just recently had a friend request on my facebook page from an old boyfriend. Old boyfriend being my first real boyfriend I had when I was 16 that lasted until I was 20 or so. So, at the time, it was pretty serious. As serious as a teenager can be I guess. We never talked about getting married or about having kids, so I guess not all THAT serious as some kids. For us being kids though, he unfortunately was my teacher on too many adult aspects of life. No details are going to be posted, so imagine whatever you'd like.

He never liked my friends (although he pretended to during the wooing portion of our relationship) and made that part of my high school life difficult. Apparently, he bragged to my guy friends of his conquests with other girls with the retort to me..."I was just kidding. I wanted to see if they'd tell you." Um....duh! They didn't like him in the least so of course they'd tell me! We eventually split under bad, bad terms due to my sister. Thanks heavens! Although 3 years and some months too late huh?

When he was 10, he was in a car accident that killed his two older sisters. I don't know if this is the cause of his irritating personality flaws he had or if it was just his personality, #1 he could not hold down a job which was a pain. He was out of high school when we met!! That is definitely the age to either be holding your own or going to school. Nope, not for him. #2 he always had a poor me, pathetic lost puppy dog story about something and duped not only me, but my family into letting him live with us for much of our dating period. He did the same thing to his best friend's mom and she finally had the smarts to kick him out. At 21, nothing was ever his fault and it was always just poor unfortunate circumstances, or a big fat "I don't know what happened.. I didn't see that coming" with tears running down his face. Kinda like when I finally dumped him and kicked him out of the house. He couldn't figure out for the life of him why I was so upset about him trying to do physical things with my sister. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

So, back to facebook. I am trying to live my life without anger or animosity or holding grudges, so I figured I would accept his request. The first thing he does is send me a note.."I'm probably the last person you expect to hear from...blahblahblah" um...ya. I think he fits in that list. Along with Jesus and a few other people that aren't going to be getting a hold of me via facebook. Not that I don't expect him to be on FB, but why try to befriend me? Anyway, again, trying not to be bitter, I just kind of ignore it. Unfortunately, I see him posting things that I have the hardest time not sending snide, rude things in retort. Stop. Be the adult. Right? So, I heard a quote on "Bones" that I really liked and posted it and he decides to blurt out that his wife had a one night stand 3 months or so back. Seriously? That's the most random thing to throw out on the internet social website just to put it out there.... then I remembered, he doesn't know where that came from. Poor sad feel sorry for my awful life story. Ah yes, I remember this dance all too well. I couldn't help it. I was only kind of awful and told him two things. Karma and dirty laundry. I don't think he got it. Karma will bite him in the ass and it's kind of satisfying to see it. I didn't think I'd actually get to witness it, but there it is. And the second part, why air your dirty laundry? Not necessary, but thanks. So, I then explained that I feel that all relationships have trials blah blah blah. He says, "I hope nothing like what I am dealing with." I had to nip my whole response in the bud. Otherwise, it was going to end up this post on my facebook page telling him to get off his poor me trip. We all have trials, and he isn't the first one to deal with what he is dealing with. Get over yourself, please. I would much rather deal with that than a disabled child, or the death of my child. Or even the death of my spouse. I would much rather deal with that than a lot of other things that can happen in life.

Anyway, I guess I am still carrying around some anger and I think it is mostly because 10 years ago this guy sobbed at me trying to get me to take him back, the whole time never admitting his wrongdoing. Never saying he was sorry. My first everything who I thought I was in love with. It was always "It was just a joke" "I didn't mean it" "I wasn't serious". Really? I just want an apology for the bullshit I dealt with for 4 years and maybe I can move on. Maybe I can work at moving on just by having him as my friend on facebook and working on not being the angry bitter lady who writes spiteful things in response to every lame status update.

Deep Breath. I think some meditation will do me good in this effort and I think that if I can at least forgive if not forget, but learn from Mr. Army, then I can forgive and not forget and keep my lessons from Mr. Lazy perpetual 12 year old.

I'm really not this angry of a person all the time, folks, just have a harder time compartmentalizing and shrugging things off when I am pregnant. I apparently lose my duck back and things don't roll off as well.


Ang said...

So did you keep him or did you 'un-add' him as a friend? I have to admit, I have done that a few times.

Mandy B said...

he is officially deleted. zap.

Ang said...

I like it.

Mandy B said...

i like it too... very liberating.