Saturday, February 20, 2010

Ew, gross, sick and wrong

There come a point in your life that you realize that because life is so hectic, chaotic, stressful, mundane at times, and just plain "Oh my, what is going on here?!?!?" that you start to laugh at things you wouldn't normally laugh at. I will warn now, that what is coming up really is gross, sick, and wrong. Prepare or stop reading now.

Things that make me giggle now, for instance, would be finding every little thing in all of the cupboards in my kitchen at waist high ON the kitchen floor. In my past life, I would have freaked out. Now, I just laugh and wonder how Linus got most of it out.

 I realize that the humor that boys get at around 7 and never really grow out of has found a way to make me giggle. Poop for instance. Or boogers, booger bubbles make me giggle, where in the past, they made me gag. Linus has started wiping his nose on my shoulder and it's funny to me. Taking a shower and having Linus in with me and looking down to find little poop balls is funny to me. Granted, I do get the big eye roll in there, but I still giggle. Farts are funny to me these days. That Bea can toot for 5 minutes straight in little gun shots is hilarious. I realize her gut is fat, but is it all really just gas? I think it's hilarious that Linus doesn't say mom but says toot perfectly every time he hears one. So, yes, my sense of humor has become that of a young boy who thinks making fart noises with my armpits is hilarious. How else am I supposed to keep my kids entertained?

So, now to the gross and disgusting portion.

The inevitable, ugly truth to owning dogs is dog poo. Little dogs have little tootsie roll poops like Pali. Big dogs have elephant sized poops. Quite frankly, I am not sure really what Blue and Moxie are eating. They are pooping out more in weight than they are taking in. How do I know that? Because our doggie septic tank has filled up and is no longer processing and I am now putting it in bags and taking it to the garbage.

I found out where all of Linus's socks have gotten to and can safely say they will never be worn again. Dog intestines will dye a favorite turquoise shirt to a really cool green color that can't ever be worn again. Dogs can actually eat an adult sock but will choose the time to pass it when all of your friends are over and hanging out back and will proudly squat right in front of everyone and take 20 minutes to expel a 2 foot long dress sock. AND NO ONE CAN LOOK AWAY!!!  Do I really have to explain why I giggle? It's either that or die of embarrassment, shock, and disgust. Every day.

So, on to the reason that I write this post. Matt took a Saturday and cleaned up a month's worth of doggie droppings and we decided that to really keep up and make the yard nice and habitable for the kids is to pick up every day or every other day. So, I am out back and we have a bush that has these bright orange berries on them. For some reason, the dogs eat them and swallow them whole. Yes, there is a reason to the orange berries being part of this story. So I am cleaning up the massive, giant, awestriking piles and come upon one that, brace yourself, looks like a perfect coil, like someone squeezed this out as a statue of a pile of poop. And right on top of it is a little orange berry like the cherry on top. Now, I just couldn't stop giggling and the perfect shape and placement of the berry. I did save everyone from taking a picture, but still, it was funny. Especially after the week I'd been having.

And, the topping on the cake for my juvenile humor... Linus, Little B, and I were visiting Nana at the library in Brigham. He was eating his hot dog from Dixie Grill and I had finished my amazing burger and was on the floor changing Bea's diaper. I look up to find a masticated hot dog and bun, covered in root beer, being played with on the table and dripping on the floor. Ew. Then, when I got up to clean it up, I was trying to teach Linus that we were in public and that's not what you do in public. You don't play with your food and make messes. He made his poop face then shivered. HAHAHAHA. My son gets the poop shivers. I had a friend once ask me if I got the pee shivers but never did I think anyone got BM shivers. AND if you have ever seen a little kid get the chills... it is a funny sight. I started to laugh so he kept doing it just to get a laugh out of me.

I love that kid. He kills me. We are going to have a better and better time as he gets bigger.

How can you not think that's funny?  Come be me for a week and you'll be laughing too. I promise.


STACY said...

I can't believe you were up this way and didn't stop and say hi!! Give me a few more weeks and we are DEFINITELY going to Dixie Grill for lunch one day!

Mandy B said...

I'm a jerkface. :C I was a little out of sorts last week and am now paying for it with a migraine from h.e.l.l. (that was me spelling it and not saying it). I got done at my parent's house late and needed to get my stinky kids home. Oh, I need to text you something. I will probable text you before reading this. Anyway, Dixie grill it is.